While feminism is not without flaws, as it is not as inclusive as it should be, this issue can be eased by consciously practicing intersectional feminism.
While I was a young girl growing up in the American Southeast, my mother showed me what feminism is before I even heard the word “feminism.” To me, feminism is having a single mother who taught me that she could do everything a father could do for me, who took me to women’s marches, and who taught me that to “throw like a girl” means to throw hard and fast and far, just like she did when I used to watch her play softball. Born in North Carolina in 2004, I grew up with gender norms ingrained in my brain that are different from the ones rooted in the American society I lived in.
My mother mowed the grass and took care of the yard. She was the one who operated the grill when we wanted burgers for dinner; there was no “grill dad” for me. She taught me how to ride a bike, took my little brother on Boy Scout camping trips, taught me how to drive, and told me to scream and fight back if someone ever tried to kidnap me. My mother taught me about consent and was proud of me when I said no to the first boy who ever asked me out on a date. As difficult as I am sure it is for her to be a single mother to two children, she has never let me see her be ashamed of it.
I watched my mother be the mother and the father, the man and the woman, the husband and the wife, in my family. However, my strong, independent mother still fell victim to the pitfalls of patriarchy and misogyny that are seemingly unavoidable. I watched her tear herself apart in the mirror because she did not think her body was good enough. Except I was a little girl who thought her mom was the most beautiful person in the world. I did not care about patriarchal beauty standards because I wanted to grow up and look like my mom. She was the beauty standard for me. The supposedly “too-thin” lips my mother has always been insecure about are the same ones that kissed my boo-boos all better and told me how loved I am, so how could I have a problem with them?
I know that feminism is inherently flawed, but that does not mean that the movement itself is wholly wrong. Part of the reason why I think feminism is flawed is that it is not as inclusive as it should be, but this issue can be eased by consciously practicing intersectional feminism. I also think it is of utmost importance for feminists, particularly white ones, to listen to and amplify the voices of women in minority groups.
I am a feminist because my mom always helped me make or buy Father’s Day gifts for my dad, even when I am sure she did not want to do that for her ex-husband. I am a feminist because my mom took me (and my brother) to women’s marches and pride parades. I am a feminist because I saw the way other women supported my single mother and helped raise me. They gave me rides to dance class and Girl Scouts, helped me with my homework and college applications, and showed me the importance of women in the community. To me, feminism means supporting women’s rights based on the idea that women are equal to men, which my mother repeatedly proved to me.
Furthermore, I am an intersectional feminist because of the way my mother raised me. Intersectional feminism is feminism that acknowledges the interlocking systems of oppression that compound upon each other to create and uphold discrimination. She taught me the importance of racial, religious, and political diversity.
When I was a little girl who wanted my hair braided like the Black girls’, my mom explained to me that, yes, those hairstyles are pretty, but they weren’t for me because I wasn’t born with hair like that. She told me I could show my appreciation for those pretty braids by complimenting my friends’ hairstyles rather than imitating them, and maybe I could sort of match them if she put my hair into French braids. My mother taught me all about the privilege my whiteness gave me and how to use that privilege to help others. I am an intersectional feminist because my mother taught me to be kind to unhoused people and showed me that consistently giving my time to volunteer for a cause is not only possible but also essential. She showed me that political activism is necessary because our society does not treat everyone with respect, and everyone deserves to be treated with respect.
My mother did her best to expose her kids to a variety of cultures and was happy to educate herself in order to do so. I am an intersectional feminist because my mom always said that she does not care who I love, as long as they treat me with love and respect. I am an intersectional feminist because my mother has always done her best to educate herself, and is never afraid to ask clarifying questions to understand things she cannot relate to. I had the privilege of being raised in an environment that supported diversity, equity, and inclusion, and I had a strong female role model throughout. Throughout my life, this has been considered unusual, especially in the South.
While my mother’s approach to raising me was hugely influential in shaping my relationship with feminism, my own relationship with feminism is continually evolving, especially as I have entered adulthood and my mother has become less involved in my daily life. My personal views of feminism are similar to those outlined in Roxane Gay’s now classic Bad Feminist. Gay argues that feminism is inherently flawed because it is a movement powered by humans, who are also inherently flawed. Gay also explains the harmful idea that there is one right way to be a woman, and how feminists would be hypocrites if they maintained the idea that there is a right way to be a feminist.
I agree with these points, and I believe they accurately reflect my understanding of feminism. I know that feminism is inherently flawed, but that does not mean that the movement itself is wholly wrong. Part of the reason why I think feminism is flawed is that it is not as inclusive as it should be, but this issue can be eased by consciously practicing intersectional feminism. I also think it is of utmost importance for feminists, particularly white ones, to listen to and amplify the voices of women in minority groups.
One reason why I first realized that my upbringing was unusual was that I was simply unaware of certain racial stereotypes, hence my previously mentioned childhood jealousy over Black girls’ hair. I simply did not know that I, as a white girl in the South, was not “supposed” to desire that hair type. I was supposed to wear my straight, blonde hair with pride. Mikki Kendall’s “Hood Feminism” discusses feminism as it relates to Black women and other marginalized groups. One of Kendall’s points really stuck with me: being comfortable with the status quo will never lead to equity for Black women or any other marginalized communities.
This point made me really think about which status quos I am comfortable with, and which ones I need to reconsider my comfort level with. Another one of Kendall’s points that really stuck with me was the idea that basic needs are feminist issues because the feminist movement is centered around women who already have their basic needs met. For example, feminism is often centered around women who look like me (white, middle class) who are being paid less than men or who do the majority of the work in the home.
However, this excludes the experiences of Black women, unemployed women, etc., who should also be highlighted in the world of feminism. I find this point to be valid about a lot of social issues, including homelessness, racism, etc. Most social issues, regardless of the communities being targeted, are inherently flawed and not inclusive of all. This is why it is essential for me to strive to be as inclusive as possible and to continually educate myself on social issues.
Part of the reason why social issues, such as feminism, are so important to me is that I am very empathetic, and I tend to think about the human emotions that come with discrimination. In Data Feminism by Catherine D’Ignazio and Lauren Klein, the authors discuss the idea that converting life experiences into data inherently reduces the complexity of those experiences. This is something I think about fairly often, especially in relation to the news and how statistics are portrayed in the media. For example, a news outlet might share hate crime statistics from a certain area, but those statistics are often very impersonal and do not highlight the ways that victims of hate crimes are personally impacted.
This idea is one of the reasons why I do not see feminism as an optional ideology. Feminism is necessary in our society in order to achieve equity and equality for women as well as every other marginalized population. Whether you view feminism as an identity or as a belief system, it is necessary for the function of society. Without feminism, would anyone be fighting for women?
As frustrating as it is, we are not (yet?) living in a post-feminist world because women still experience daily inequities and inequalities that men simply do not face. Rachel Seidman’s Who Needs Feminism? Lessons from a Digital World was a very impactful reading for me because it demonstrated the community that is possible when people come together on an issue. Seidman’s writing emphasized the idea that everyone needs feminism, regardless of their identity or social position.
When one group of people is marginalized or discriminated against, it has a negative impact on everyone because it means that the community’s voices are not being heard. I believe that a diversity of opinions is required in a high-functioning society such as our own, and issues like misogyny, sexism, and racism are counterintuitive to that because they actively oppress the voices of marginalized communities.
I am an intersectional feminist for several reasons, and I believe that intersectional feminism plays a crucial role in society. I grew up watching my mother make a conscious effort to be as accepting as possible, and to raise kids who are as inclusive as possible. In fact, I could argue that my mother’s existence as a single mother who works in a male-dominated industry (landscape architecture and landscape design) is inherently feminist because it is deviant according to non-feminist norms and traditional standards.
My mother taught me to practice intersectional feminism, possibly without even knowing the term “intersectional feminism.” Feminism is not a choice, but a requirement for an inclusive world. My dream would be to eventually live in a world where feminism is no longer necessary because equality and inclusivity are the standard. However, that is not the reality yet, so until then, I will continue to educate myself and practice intersectional feminism just like my mother taught me, and I will encourage others to do the same.
Image Credit: Joseph Dwight Strong, Public domain, via Wikimedia Commons
References:
D’Ignazio, Catherine, and Klein, Lauren F. Data Feminism. United States, MIT Press, 2020.
Gay, Roxane. Bad Feminist: Essays. United States, HarperCollins, 2014.
Kendall, Mikki. Hood Feminism: Notes from the Women That a Movement Forgot. Viking, 2019.
Seidman, Rachel F. Who Needs Feminism? Lessons from a Digital World. Feminist Studies, Inc., 2013.
